I’m sitting here…
Wet hair, no make-up, curled up on the couch staring at my cellulite from crossing my legs. My focus is now on my muffin top that is protruding over my gym shorts.
I start chewing my nails, wondering where the hell do I go from here.
Is this worth writing? Is this what people who might stumble upon this want to hear?
My internal monologue replies – “who freaking cares!”. Because you know, she’s a lady and doesn’t curse. She reserves that for actual conversations, behind closed doors.
Honestly, I have zero clue as to why I’m describing my current situation. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of reading articles that don’t share the real S$@#. Instead, a filtered version of the real deal. Hell, I’m a culprit too. Hello, Lightroom filters and my Instagram feed.
But I’m tired of it! I’m tired of me. I’m tired of not having real honest to god conversations. I’m tired of not having a space that reflects connection. Real connection. Intentional connection in big and small ways. A space that connects others through conversation that sharpens us. Ignites us. That compels us to leave better and more full than we entered.
I want more of this. I need more.
I want interactions that go beneath the pretty. I want to surround myself with others who have found this, and still, fail miserably from time to time. I want to link arms with others who are growing and learning just like me. I want to celebrate others who decide to come along for this beautiful, messy, broken ride we call life.
I want to be able to remind myself that every day is a good day right where we are at this very moment!!
Let me give you some context.
I’m an older version of the person I was when I turned 29 some time ago. Let’s sprinkle in motherhood to that recipe. Aspirations to be a model wifey. A loving daughter. Not too mention being my own boss; running a marketing consulting firm.
And underneath all of this is a thing I suffer from called anxiety. Mixed with ongoing battles with fear. And throw in the ring leader behind it all – comparison.
I f#&*’ing hate comparison!
Who do I compare myself to?
- To Jenny down the street who always has the best hair.
- To Martha from my kid’s school who always has her sh*t together. (To be honest, my kid doesn’t go to school yet, but Martha I know I’m gonna compare myself to you one day!)
- To Sally who lives in a big beautiful house (which is super clean I might add).
- To Mary who seems to always go on the best vacations.
- To blogger/entrepreneur A, B, & C who have built amazing online empires.
- To that influencer who is a mom of 5 and has zero cellulite, perky boobs, and the cutest clothes and those beautiful looking squares of in her life.
- To my Facebook friends and MY BEST FRIENDS.
I’m guilty of comparing myself to at least one of the groups above at any given time.
Do I want to be any of them? HECK NO!!!
I love my life!!!
But I sure as hell do compare mine to theirs.
Why? Who freaking knows.
Y’all, I know the world doesn’t think it needs another mommy blogger. BUT THAT IS NOT WHO I AM!
Who am I?
I am Maria Grimm. I like to write. My handwriting sucks. And typing works a lot better when keeping up with my inner dialogue. Not to mention writing is like wine to me. I don’t need it to survive but it sure makes it easier. It has become my place of refuge. Perhaps maybe even therapy at times. It saves me. Hell, it has saved me.
Honest to God, hand raised, writing brought me to my husband. Which gave me my daughter. The most adorable craftsman bungalow. My little consulting agency, and so much more!!
But beneath all of that pretty, there were and are so many struggles. SO. MANY. STRUGGLES.
So call me another mommy blogger. But don’t put me in a box.
I’m not here to garner influence. I’m here to connect with anyone who wants to listen. And if by some chance you start to compare yourself to anything I share, I hope it’s to find a piece of yourself in my story that gives you the power to know this.
Mondays are the best day of the week. Without them, we wouldn’t appreciate Fridays as much. Much like life. Without our struggles, life would be just ‘meh’.
Which if you look at life like that, every day is a good day and worth celebrating! And not to be compared to another! {mic drop}
